directionally challenged

we all have our weaknesses and i am no exception. perhaps you are numerically challenged [math] or visually challenged [color blind]. some are horizontally challenged [short] or financially challenged [broke]. i would like to state for the record i am directionally challenged. what i mean by this is that unless i have a map in front of me, in a city i've lived in for longer than 5 years, or the sun is out, i cannot tell south from north, east from west. in my mind, it seems west should always be to my left and east to my right. this thinking has gotten me in trouble several times.

i've heard many issues or behavior problems of adults can be traced back to moments in their childhood. i don't know if i believe all of that. however, i do think my challenge with directions can be traced all the way back to the second grade...

i was in mrs. pettay's class and we had switched rooms for social studies. instead of mrs. willard teaching us as usual, her student teacher was in charge. normally, a student teacher wouldn't have bothered me, except for this one. mr. palmer. it was the 'mr.' part that was the problem. i was going through this phase of life where i was afraid of any older man but my dad. i don't really know why. the phase didn't last long, but it was definitely an issue that afternoon.

i was sitting in the front row and ahead of me he was holding the book explaining the cardinal directions. try as i might, i couldn't understand. how does south always stay the same? whenever i look at a map, north is always up so shouldn't the direction i am facing always be called north? the globe is a big circle so when does west become east or east become west? argh.

then the urge came. you know the kind...the bathroom urge.

as a second grader, i could hardly sit still or wait until bathroom break. i crossed my legs and my little feet kicked back in forth in impatience. i couldn't ask him to excuse me, he was a tall, scary man. he might get mad at me for interrupting or frustrated because i broke the class' attention. besides, the consequences of not understanding come test time seemed just as frightening. it took everything i had to focus on comprehending the difficult lesson before me and holding all of the liquid inside of me.

then i lost it.

i lost my focus on the north arrow as well as the need to go to the batheroom all over my seat and into the fresh puddle underneath of me.

[insert moment of panic]

i was no longer listening to anything going on in the room but instead, imagining the laughter that was about erupt around the room when they realized what i had just done. i know mr. palmer mentioned other things about compasses and maps, birds flying south and longitude; but i was done. my mind had already checked out from the direction lesson.

as he closed the book, his eyes stopped at the puddle beneath my seat. the red in my face rose quickly and intensely. my second grade reputation pended on how he would respond.

in a calm voice, i remember him saying, 'oh no. it looks like scott's water bottle spilled. we'll have to have him clean it up when we switch back.'

i was sitting in scott's seat and his water bottle was still full on the desk. mr. palmer's reaction saved my face. i could utter no words but only nod my head in agreement. poor scott.

i walked back to mrs. pettay's class, holding papers in front of me and behind me. thankfully, it was time to go home and i need not hide much longer. i didn't tell my friends on the bus or my mom when i got home. in fact, i never shared this story until high school when i had recovered from the embarrassment. today, it's one of my favorites.

i have now realized i have scarred myself from every truly grasping this concept of directions and have come to grips with the fact that i may never fully understand 'true north.' for long ago when you were learning this basic life skill, i was peeing my pants. i'm okay with this.

if you give me directions in the future, i would ask that you give me a map so that it can be rotated according to my own understanding. i navigated us for two days around rome with a map, managing to get us lost only once [though it must be stated this occured at 10 o'clock at night and lasted for 4 hours] i'm a visual person and with the aid of a map, i really am okay. however, if this is not possible please use lefts, rights, landmarks instead of norths and wests. thank you for your patience with my disability.