one step at a time

this week was our office christmas party. we divided and filled the wall of booths in the restaurant, ordering anything and as much as we wanted...the big guys were paying. shrimp escargot, pinot noir, salmon, and key lime pie. still fill my stomach. gennifer and i, being the only unattached in our office, accompanied each other. she was a good date, laughed at my comments, we conferred before order, she gave me a bite of her fillet, and we swapped desserts half way. perhaps we should have been more conscious of our evening partnership and lack of significant other, but we didn't care. no worries about including our date in building conversation or introducing him to other office friends.
we enjoyed our evening together.

i'm beginning to relish this unattached life. i've realized as i've entered this new world of singlness, how unintentionally self-indulgent it is. i don't mean to say all single people are selfish or couples always practice humility. however, there is an inherent "others-minded" attitude that must exist in a relationship that singleness does not require.
it's kind of nice for a change.

however, this doesn't prohibit my mind from wandering to the act where "he" enters. "he" as, my teammate, my compliment, the one. i know you've thought about it as you stood behind the curtain of unknowning. life is full of hundreds of little decisions, made every minute of every day, which slowly accumulate to navigate and steer our journey. there are also, a handful of big decisions which when made, powerfully chart our course. for a long time, i thought i had this other-half-thing figured out. though the path then still seemed unclear,
i thought i at least knew who i was besides.
now they both seem blurry.

people tell me i need to get out there. my only first date resulted in a seven-year courtship and now some tell me i need to figure out what i'm looking for; what my "type is." i'm in no hurry. i'm not looking. call me old-fashion or naive, but i think when it's time, i'll know it. he'll find me. he'll pursue me. i often wonder, though, what he'll be like and how we will fit together. will we spend saturdays playing soccer in the park or visiting a gallery? can he cook or reconfigure computers? would he rather ride his bike or tinker with cars in the garage? does his tv scanning begin with c-span or espn? will he read to me at night or leave me notes on the bathroom mirror? have we crossed paths already or will he know the first moment i walk into view?

this thinking stirs in me not an anxiety nor overwhelm.
i feel a contented excitement.
one of the things i've learned over the past few months is,
i can't mess it up.
as long as i'm following the Truth, seeking His will,
i won't fall off the path.
i will not be his life. he will not be mine.
i cannot answer his question, "am i enough?" nor can for me.
we must take that question to You; then bring him to me.
i'll continue down this road,
eyes ahead, hands lifted, heart at peace.
in His perfect time, i will look over to find another,
traveling the same path and we'll journey together.
but for now, i'll just keep walking, one step at a time.