scar stories

the spring of my fourth year of college, i spent 6 months traveling/studying in europe. unexpectedly, i also spent 6 days as a patient in the uvn praha military hospital with second degree burns on 35% of my legs. it was one of those stories in life i never thought i would be personally writing; something i never imagined would happen to me. nothing is out of the realm of possibility.

the medicine in prague was very basic. the hospital looked like one we have had here in the 50s. many minor injuries were treated in the hospitals there and my 6 day stay would have been unheard of in the US. every morning the nurses would take me to a room down the hall where they would remove the white bandages, drain my blisters, apply a new antibiotic ointment, and wrap me back up until the next day.

i have never known such physical pain as i did when the hot oil first spilled down my legs. although it was never a sharp, intense pain, it was a slow, dull pain which i could feel sinking deeper into my skin. ten days after the initial accident, i relived being burned all over again. before my new skin on my legs could grow back they had to remove all of the dead skin. it was still covering and protecting the wounds, but wasn't allowing new skin to grow. it was the weirdest feeling...i could hear them cutting and feel them pulling something off of my legs, but it seemed like it should be the gauze, not my own skin. the most painful part, though, was when the doctor applied the ointment to the vulnerable area in hopes of warding off infection and healing might begin again...things had to get worse before they could get better. i remembered returning to my bed and burying my head in my pillow and turning up my headphones as loud as they would go, trying to drown out anything i could feel. i just wanted those painful moments to pass so badly, but time wouldn't hurry.[my first day in the hospital; the day before the skin was removed; i knew i should have painted my toes; sunburned looking legs; my favorite tennis shoes which still hold the slightest hint of oil.]

the next day, i stood in awe. when the bandages were removed, i could already see progress. my legs were beginning to look like my legs again and not the messy, and mangled things they looked like the day before. i could already see new skin growing in some areas. healing couldn't begin until all of the old skin was gone because it was keeping the new skin from developing.

i've been thinking about this chapter in my life a lot lately. that early may, God gave me a tangible example of one of life's lessons. how often do i hold onto things that make me dead and lead me a way from full life? i try to fix things on my own and don't want to let go of the fears i have because i don't want to be vulnerable to pain again. i think the easier, wide, less vulnerable route is the one i want. life is found on the narrow path and few find it.

pain is part of the plan.

there must first be suffering before there can be healing.

there has to be cleansing before there can be growth.

i must be torn down before i can be rebuilt.

i worried when the accident first happened that i would never be able to look at my legs the same because they would always be unattractive to me. i thought they would be ugly and i would always be embarassed to show them. i don't look at them the same now but for different reasons. the skin is discolored and when they tan the scars become splotchy. i no longer have to shave that part of my leg and i think i will always have white marks on my ankles from the blisters. but they are a part of me now, a part of my story. they made me stronger and i am better because of them; sometimes things have to get worse before they can get better.
they tell me it is worth it because He is worthy.

no discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees [and burned legs.] make level paths so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed. [hebrews 12:12-13]