my friend

i said goodbye to another friend today. she has moved on to the next chapter in this story we call life. she has left the place where our friendship was established and where it flourished to pursue God's adventure. i'm jealous of the life she will soon begin because she will move on without me. it's hard to let her go. it's hard to swallow the thought that i will not be on her daily list of people she sees or that our activities will no longer cross paths in the hall. i, once tightly bound with the people she surrounded herself with, will not know her new friends. i will not know her new favorite place to get ice cream or where she likes to do her laundry.



nikki is not a friend that i will lose despite the miles that now separate us. most friendships fail when distance steps in. the relationships that mean the most to me today have all been strenthened during periods of distance. i expect the same to happen with nikki. the connection we have is unique only to us. we share something different, an understanding that most of the time, goes unspoken between us. although we can be extremely vulnerable with each other, we rarely express emotion or the value of the other verbally. we're funny like that.

for the past five years, the paths of our lives have run parallel. today, hers took her away from me. it's hard for me to let her go because i don't know when our paths will cross again. will we spend another chapter of life together or will our moments always be brief? although i know our journey's will end in the same place someday, everything from now until then seems ambiguous; out of my control. i don't like that feeling.

i think nikki is one of my favorite people to pray with. she always prays with such humble confidence. when she prays for me, she always says "my friend." the way she says it, makes me seem extremely important to her, like i hold a deep place in her heart. if she were to call me by name when we pray together, i think some of the sacredness would be lost. i don't know why, but it means a lot to me for her to call me her friend. you know when you were younger and people would ask you to be their "friend." you felt a sense of belonging, of value, of significance to someone. i think i still long to be told that i matter to someone. nikki makes me feel like i matter to her.

Lord, i pray for my friend tonight. she has left everything that is comfortable and familiar for a strange city filled of unknown. Lord, be her rock and strength. show her that you are faithful. may she find joy in her dependency in You. may she step firmly with confidence which can only be found in You. be near to her.